your mother rides a vacuum cleaner!!

Sometimes things you don’t expect jump out of the blue an slap you in the face.  And you’re like, “HEY!”  And sometimes things you don’t expect jump out of the blue and lightly tap you on the bottom and you’re like, “Oh!  Oh, my…” - and this occurrence was more like a tap on the bottom than a slap on the face:

Minding my own beeswax, eating toast and bacon while watching the television - who should I see but Jon Hamm on Gilmore Girls.  BAM!
He and the old Gilmore go on a date.  But she finds him boring because he’s so rich and wants to take her to a David Bowie concert - the MONSTER!!  He talked about his fancy fancy car and fancy fancy wine - JERK!  And then she decides she won’t go see Bowie with him because he was such a snooze and a half.

I hate boring dates as much as the next fat person - but I’d probably tolerate them slightly if the guy was Jon Hamm with a dumb name (Peyton) and the end result would be David Bowie.  Even if he is all old and kind of like a lady lizard now.
And even if he and Finola Hughes are the same person.  Finola is a soap opera star lady who I best know from hosting the wonderful makeover show “How Do I Look?”
She seriously could be him.  I suspect they are the same person.  They both love costumes and having the same face.
Anyway.  Back to Hamm.  As stated, Hamm plays a man named Peyton.  Men shouldn’t be named Peyton.  You know who should be?  Books.  Or movies.  Like Peyton Place.
I think certain boredoms can be excused on a terrible date and some cannot.  Boredoms to excuse include boring conversations while taking a private jet to a private island, boring television programs being watched while sitting in a private mansion on top of a private mountain range, and observing boring jungle cats doing nothing but sitting on their fat cat butts in a private zoo in a private country.

Unfortunately my terrible dates involve none of these things.  And so none of the boredoms I have suffered are excusable.


I love that fat green witch from Bugs Bunny.  I love that fat old bean.
Witch Hazel

You know who I don’t understand?  Andy Richter.  As far as I can tell, from watching what totals out as about 1 hour of Conan’s show, he doesn’t do anything at all.  All he does is sit in the chair next to the celebrity being interviewed and interject things that aren’t funny or interesting or anything.  Then Conan and his guest have to sort of acknowledge him in that way when you’re talking to someone you know about something some third person knows nothing about and that third person tries to involve themselves in the conversation and it just makes everyone want to cringe.  

Anyway.  Witch Hazel.  Watch the following.  And be aware of how strongly I identify with Hansel and Gretel.  Hansel?  Hansel…?  Hansel…….??